Happy Friday, Year 5!
Today you can type up your finished piece of work to share with the class.
This will be your redraft after my feedback given to you yesterday. So you should have applied my targets to your writing for today.
On this blog, we will give you some positive feedback and I would encourage everyone to read each other’s and offer some positive feedback.
We look forward to reading your wonderful writing,
Mrs Avdiu & Ms Robertson
Happy Friday everyone!!!
This is my redraft.
Pog is a furry creature with both human and animal features. He has a nose as long glue stick and ears as big as drums. This allows him to hear for miles in the heart of the dark forest where Pog has been living for many years now. He is a very shy and small creature who is scared and does not trust anyone, but deep down he has a big heart.
Thank you for adding some similes today!
POG is a peculiar, furry, little creature. He’s a patrolling GPS and an investigator, with a great sense of direction and smell. He is as sneaky as a fox. This little creature is lightning fast and as patient as a primary school teacher. His encounter with the girl made him realise the low-spiritedness and loneliness of his life. But he has a gentle heart, and is as brave as a lion.
Thank you for including similes today Gabi!
Hello everybody I hope you are well. This is my finished piece.
Pog is like no creature I have ever seen. He is mole-like but has some human characteristics and speaks. This magical little creature has very sharp senses: he can see in the dark and is able to smell a human scent in the forest. Cautiously, he peeks through bushes and is constantly trying to stay hidden, suggesting he is secretive or perhaps shy. While patrolling in the forest, if he hears an intruder his furry ears twitch and his hackles rise, because he is anxious as he doesn’t want to be spotted.
Our knight in shining armour, carries a sword and his job is to protect the first folk-the community which he belongs to- from humans. Pog is forbidden to reveal himself to humans, because the first folk seem to be afraid of being discovered. This little hero can be trusted as he is understanding, caring and gentle (Pog talked to the girl in a light, gentle tone so that she didn’t get scared). He also has other human emotions like being sad and unhappy, is lonely in the attic where he lives, and waiting for some company.
Well done for including varied sentence openers today!
Hello Everyone!!!
I hope you are well and safe!! 🙂
For todays piece of work I have written this piece of writing 🙂
I hope you all enjoy:)
Pog is an understanding creature, his heart is full of kindness and hospitality for anyone even humans! He is a very furry creature, he normally caries a staff and a sword as sharp as a dragons tooth. Pog has a huge heart, but unfortunately he lives all alone to keep his secret identity and no one has called him Pog in years. He guards the attic, and he is good for smelling things for far away.
I hope you enjoyed this piece of writing:)
Stay Safe Everyone 🙂
Have a lovely Weekend
~Elena 🙂
Thank you Elena. I like your use of similes 🙂
Hello everyone, I hope that you are all doing well. This is my final piece of work for Pog’s description, I hope you like it:
Pog has small, furry ears and has a soft calming voice. He is always willing to help someone in need. As gentle as a butterfly, Pog is quick thinker and is good at what he does. With a sweet personality, he always keeps his promises and is a loyal friend at all times. Pog is always keen to help someone even if he has other things to do. He is very alert but does het lonely when at work. Pog will do what he has to do to make sure things are right. As well being loyal, Pog makes a great friend.
I hope you all liked my paragraph. Stay safe!
Well done for starting a sentence with a simile! Great description of Pog
Hi everyone, I didn’t have a chance to post the first paragraph on yesterday’s blog but I will post the whole thing now. Hope you are well.
Pog Description
Pog is a fuzzy, furry creature with a quirky sense of humour. He is a member of the First Folk. Pog has long shaggy ears which droop down across his face and his deep eyes shine through darkness. Listening for unusual sounds, Pog is a patroller of the Folk and makes friends with a playful girl with curly dark hair whilst on patrol.
Pog seems to be quite miserable and lonely but feels over the moon to find a new friend. He has apparently gone unnoticed by the other forest creatures . Although Pog has his qualities of kindness and hospitality, he hasn’t been spoken to for a long period of time.
Nevertheless, Pog is extremely loyal and reliable and takes care of people who get lost in the very heart of the forest.
See you tomorrow.
🙂 fantastic sentence starters!
Next time, could you add some more similes and metaphors?
Hello everyone. This is my redraft of my paragraph yesterday.
Pog is a kind creature and is as furry as a pom pom. He patrols the forest like a police man and has lived all alone for a very long time. He holds a weighty Sword and Staff to protect himself. If you saw Pog, you would probably become his friend as he is a very helpful and understanding creature to everyone. He is a very good sniffer like a dog; if a human was in the forest, he would be able to scent them. If you ever get lost in the forest, Pog would help you find your way back. He has a heart of gold. What a wonderful creature he is!
I hope you enjoyed reading my redraft (I also tried using a metaphor).
Stay safe everyone and have a great weekend. 😀
Well done for including similes today! 🙂
Happy Friday everyone this is my redraft:
Pog is a furry creature with long ears and a small cat size body. He guards a small attic at night time, for that is where he lives. His long sharp claws could look quite dangerous but Pog would never use them to harm anyone. What I like about Pog is that he has both human features and animals feature. His braveness is like a lions he is also very patient for everything. I imagine Pog to be sort of a little monster but a very kind and generous one. All the time Pog sits alone patrolling his attic, very lonely because he has never really had a friend. I think nobody even knows about him. When Pog saw the girl he knew he had to help her even though it was forbidden to show yourself to a human, because Pog really wanted to be a good friend. I think Pog is a very caring creature who always helps everybody. The way he found the house is because he has a great sense of smell.
Happy Friday, Claudia! 🙂
Thank you for taking on board yesterday’s feedback and improving your writing. You varied your sentence starters today:)
Pog is a furry, mysterious creature who lurks in the gloomy forest where the sun is shrouded by trees. He moves stealthily through the forest. He is prohibited from revealing himself to the human world but is willing to make brazen decisions to help others. This unknown creature is extremely loyal and he sticks to his job even though he is as lonely as a self-isolating polar bear.
The forest he dwells in is a desolate place where night never turns into day and no one dares to go past the large trees at the entrance. Even when Pog bravely enters the forest, a tingle of dread goes down his spine and butterflies enter his stomach as it is so dark, you can’t see ten paces in front of you. The loyal creature is kind and as gentle as a rabbit. Sometimes Pog is tentative and hesitant when making important decisions but he always makes his mind up eventually. He has an excellent sense of smell and is able to pick up the aroma of something from a kilometre away.
Unfortunately, Pog does not realise that his time of not being along will only last two weeks, as then the girl will leave. At that point, it will just be Pog alone in the dark, patrolling the attic, sticking to a long-held promise. Pog will be feeling bereft and alone again with only his thoughts for company. Everyday he will be thinking, “when can I leave? I have to leave.”
Well done, Theo. You have included a variety of sentence starters and I like the way you include the character’s thoughts in your description. Have a lovely weekend 🙂
Hello Everyone! I’ve tried to change up my redraft, here it is:Pog is a furry creature with a skinny body the height of an owl sympathy towards innocent beings and so acts in protection for them. He has adequate curiosity as well as a loveable personality. His emotions are quite like human seeing as he’s just about able to talk. He has memorized the forest to every nick and every cranny. Pog enjoys patrolling the forest, a hawk in the sky, however, hides in the shadows evading exposure. As much as he admires company, Pog is incredibly lonesome and craves for the feeling of friends. Similar to a human, Pog has emotions and constantly supports beings in need. He has a strong heart and immense passion. His sword, a faultless silver with a sunburnt brown leather as the handle. The blade, sharp as glass, glistens in the moonlight. Additionally, Pog carries a wooden staff, a magnificent brown glazed in the richest chocolate.
Fantastic! Thank you for adding similes and making such a great effort to vary the vocabulary.
Hi everyone, Happy Friday and here is my piece of work hope you enjoy.
Pog is a nice person, and he has a kind heart inside of him but he just can’t let it show, but people might find him scary although he is just like a tree trunk in conclusion Pog is as furrry as a sea otter and he’s quite shy also he is a very fearless creature although he is afraid of nothing except from human children because that is his only and first fear. As a matter of fact every time, before he goes to bed he always checks if there is any children in his wardrobe or under his bed .
hope you like it and stay safe :)?
Happy Friday, Angieli!
Thank you for your description of Pog. Can you think of a better word for ‘nice’?
Hello everyone, Miss Avdiu, Miss Robertson,
Here is my final draft regarding Pog. Hope you will like it!
Pog is a mysterious creature, the kind of animal no-one has already seen …
He looks as fury as a lion but in the meantime Pog is as small as a mouse. He is a very kind and understanding creature who lives in the dark woods. He is a lonely and brave beast with a gentle heart. In fact, he is always willing to help anyone in need. He can smell beater than any human thanks to his powerful and incredible flair. His sword shining in the dark. He will never hurt anyone with his metal sword, but he will only use it to protect himself. The beast will always be kind and lovely to anyone that will enter the forest and will always be helpful with humans.
Well done Violette for making improvements! You’ve made a big effort to include similes 🙂
Thank you for your comments miss!
Hello everyone, hope you’re all okay! Here is my published work for Pog, I only added a couple of elements:
Gentle like a mouse and with a heart of gold, Pog Lumpkin, a small furry creature commits his entire day to protecting and patrolling the great big forest with its towering trees and prickly hedgerow bushes. Galloping through the forest faster than lightning , Pog is always there when something goes amiss.
With his staff and sword handy, this hero to all stumbles upon a little meek girl, whose brown locks are dangling in front of her weeping eyes, sore from the tears flowing out of them, and courageously rescues her from all peril surrounding. Despite his scruffy appearance and lack of refinement, Pog really is a knight in shining armour.
Back in the attic, dark as a cave, where he has made a home for himself, Pog tosses and turns, loosing precious sleep by the minute, his heart filled with sadness and a longing so deep for someone to say his name. Whilst his head is like a broken record disc, repeating the same question again and again : ‘Am I alone?’ Sadly the answer is always yes.
You’re welcome Lavinia. Thank you for taking my feedback on board. This is a fantastic piece of writing! Have a wonderful weekend 🙂
Hi everyone Happy Friday this is my finished piece.
Pog is as furry as a puffy pom pom. He has a nice calm voice. Pog is very loyal and always willing to help people in need, which makes him a great friend. He has long claws as sharp as shark teeth. Pog was really lonely and sad until he found his new friend the girl. He has a gigantic heart but is not able to express his love and kindness as he lives alone. He uses his staff and sword to protect himself. He patrols the area where he lives and he uses his great sense of smell.
That’s much better! Well done 🙂
Hello everyone?
This is my amended paragraph:
Pog is a small creature with a big and kind golden heart ?. His body is covered with sleek looking hackles. He is very fit and can run as fast as a cheetah. He can also shimmy up a drainpipe with no effort. As he petrols the sole sole less forest ? like a hawk, he is very aware of not revealing himself. He displays many human features such as good night vision, use of good language and a variety of emotions. When Pog finds the girl ?? in distress his Instinct tells him to help her out, but his reason is to stay hidden. However he brings up the courage to take her back home ? to her family. Pog fells happy for the girl but at the same time he is overwhelmed with sadness, as he returns to his lonely existence ?.
I hope you all have a nice day
Stay safe
Maia ?
Well done for making improvements! 🙂 It looks great- you really understood the character well.
Dear Mrs Avdiu,
I have added 2 metaphors*
At night, Pog patrolls in the attic all alone. In the dark, his eyesight is piercing whilst his sense of smell is better than any human’s. Pog walks on two legs and knows how to fight with with his sword. Always willing to do the right thing, Pog is a loyal creature ready to help anyone. Despite his frightening appearance, Pog is reassuring and uses friendly tones and words. *His voice is a sweet and comforting melody. Pog is as furry as a mammoth which is why his hackles stand on end when he is scared. Pog knows the forest like the back of his hand, knowing every tree and path. Kind-hearted as he is, Pog is sure to understand one’s situations and feelings as if there were his. *He is a factory of kindness and care!
That’s wonderful and wow it really has improved your writing. Well done!
Hi everyone this is my redraft of the character description of Pog.
Pog carries a sharp sword and a magical staff like a knight in shining armour, but will not hurt anyone with them. He is aware of his surroundings like a cat in the night. The fuzzy creature patrols his house but won’t reveal himself. Pog will never be seen by humans because of his sensitive smell he can sense when any human is coming. You might think Pog is made of stone but he is actually quite a softy, he gets a bit lonely and then gets a bit sad, Pog has a heart of gold. Pog also keeps people from being in danger. The fur on Pog is very fuzzy like he has just bitten a wire full of volts and has been electrocuted!
Well done Iggy! Always make sure you proofread even your final version as there are some words missing here 🙂 Happy Friday!
Hello Mrs Avdiu hello everyone this is my final redraft:
Pog is a very furry creature with long ears with a small cats size body and as soft as a bundle of cotton wool. He guards a small attic at night time, for that is were he lives. His long claws and sharp blade would look dangerous but not with Pog holding it. Sometimes I imagine he sort of looks like a little kind monster. All the time he patrols his attic all alone because I think he has never really had a friend, I think nobody even knows about him. When Pog saw the girl he knew he had to help her he tried to do it with out reveling himself but that didn’t work so he had to show himself to the little girl even though it was forbidden because Pog really wanted to be a good friend. I think Pog is a very caring creature who always helps everybody. The way he found the house is because he has a great sense of smell. What I really like about Pog I that he had both human and animal features.
Wow! Well done, Claudia. You used a variety of sentence starters and have made a great effort to describe who Pog is.
Hello, here is my redraft of my character description of POG.
With a staff like a wizard’s and a sword like a knight’s, POG Lumpkin is an admirable fellow who you would think has many friends, but he has none. His eyes are lamps in the dark and you can see his hackles that resemble a dog’s rise and fall as he creeps through the dark, gloomy forest. POG is never allowed to reveal himself to humans because he is one of the first folk. Every day he patrols around a house that his first and only friend once lived in, keeping to a long kept promise and waiting for her to come back one day.
Perfect! Thank you for taking my feedback on board and improving your writing 🙂