Good Morning Year 6!
Today we’re going to do some writing! I’m so excited to see what you’re able to write. Today is for practise. That means that you can write your opening sentence or first few sentences on the blog and then I can give feedback.
Then you can finish your writing in your Home Learning Books, making sure you proof read and edit as you go!
On Tuesday, we recapped figurative language and you wrote examples of personification, similes and metaphors. Well, this is going to be very handy today as you are going to use figurative language in your writing!
Task (to complete by Friday afternoon):
- Write at least two paragraphs to describe the palace when Chaya stole the Jewels.
- Describe 4-5 different parts of the palace in detail
- Include at least one example of a metaphor, one example of personification and one simile
- Plan your writing in your Home Learning Book.
Don’t forget to share the start of your writing for me to mark. But don’t type it all up today – we want to share everyone’s finished pieces tomorrow.
When you are editing, here are some questions you might want to think about:
- Is every sentence correctly punctuated?
- Have I checked my spellings?
- Have I used figurative language?
- Are my descriptions vivid?
- Do all sentences make sense to the reader?
- Is my writing cohesive? (does it link together?)
I look forward to reading your 1st paragraph!
Miss Gorick and Mrs Healy xx
Hello miss Gorick and Miss Healy,
Here are my first few sentence!
1. As Chaya krept slowly, she tried to not make a sound because she could have got caught.
2.When she peeked through the window ,you could see the scarlet red rubys shing likr moon light .
Stay safe 😉
Hi Paloma 🙂 thanks for writing your 1st couple of sentences.
🙂 I like the use of a ruby red and the verb ‘peeked’
T) you have a few spelling mistakes that you need to correct. Also in your second sentence, think about the correct pronouns (she or you?)
Miss Gorick 🙂
Hello miss Gorick,
I was just wondering if we were supposed to describe the palace like we thought it would be like or how the book describes it but in our own words.
Stay safe 🙂
Hi Jade, good question! I suppose, it’s up to you. I’d probably write my own description using my thoughts and imagination 🙂
Good morning miss Gorick
I was wondering if we hqave to finish it this Friday or next Friday ?
Anyway,here are my short sentences:
As Chaya tiptoedelegantly towards the Queens grand chambers,she caught a glimpse of a large guard scurrying suspiciously towards her.
Hi Ariella 🙂 Try and complete it for tomorrow if you can!
You’ve made a good start although you are missing some punctuation. Read over it and see if you can identify where 🙂
Ok,this how it should of been:
As Chaya tiptoed elegantly towards the Queen’s grand chambers,she caught a glimpse of a large palace guard scurrying towards her suspiciously.
Thankyou!
My first sentences
The terracotta pillars covered Chaya as she crept across the glazed, shining, stone floor. Silently, her feet scuttled across the floor, as she weaved past the guards.
Good morning Miss Gorick and Mrs Healy ?
One of my sentences will be:
Discreetly, Chaya gracefully walked into the Queen’s luxurious bedroom, filled with jewels of every kind imaginable.
Good Morning Miss Gorick, here are my first few sentences;
Whilst creeping around the palace, Chaya had to be careful not to move any of the armour so the guards wouldn’t hear her. She had gone into the queen’s palace and stole some diamonds from her bedside table. Suddenly there was a loud shriek! At that moment Chaya new she had to run for her life.
Ok thank you here are my first few sentences:
It was a beautiful place full of different colours ,Chaya crept silently to a magnificent wooden door.It had been carved by the finest carpenter who had designed it very carefully making even the smallest flowers detailed.She cautiously turned the handle and entered a room but not any ordinary room,the Queen’s room…
Thank you Jade 🙂
Lovely use of descriptive language!
To improve this, try editing your punctuation as the first sentence has ‘comma splicing’ as the comma is used incorrectly. I would suggest joining the part ‘Chaya crept silently’ with the description of the door as these are linked. Let me know how you get on! I miss reading all your lovely work 🙂
Good afternoon!
Here are my first few sentences:
Majestic turrets spiralled high into the flocculent clouds, piercing small holes in them when reached. As the aureate beams shone onto the palace, it seemed more imposing and resplendent than before, with its sumptuous entrance gleaming, just like fire in the night.
What super vocabulary Chiara, well done! As you move forward, see if you can vary your use of punctuation-can you use a dash or semi colon for example?
Here are my few first sentences :
Isolated on the top of the hill the palace has a special privileged position looking down at the village below. The serious staircase in the majestic lion seemed almost frightening yet luxurious and welcoming .The palm trees that surrounded the entrance swayed like dancers in the summer breeze.As Chaya entered she was exited this would be a visit she would not forget.
That’s super Javier to start your sentence with an adjective! Great use of figurative language-I can see that you have focused well. Just check for missing punctuation in a couple of your sentences.
Looking down at its people a palace stood still, solitary and silent. You could tell it was a special place with pools and impressive quarters which only rich royals could take advantage of. The encapsulating entrance with stairs carved out of serious stone in the middle of a grand lion statue made any guests know this was a journey to remember.
Gosh, what super vocabulary Sergio and a great use of alliteration. Just check your final sentence as it is too long-I nearly ran out of breath!
Hello miss! This is the first two sentences:
“Tiptoeing silently across the moonlit room, Chaya was rethinking her decision when the rosewood bedside table caught her eye.
It was an elegant room, with silky pearl curtains framing the glass window.”
Lovely use of personification! You have left the reader with unanswered questions (‘ rethinking her decision’) which makes them want to read on! Now go on to describe what caught her eye.
This is of the sentences :
As Chaya hid behind the large, gold and silver pillars, the light from the Queen’s bedroom switched off with a CLICK! Chaya jumped with fear but didn’t say a word.
Thanks for the advice ?
Have a nice day !;)
Here are my first two sentences:
Chaya cautiously walked down the white marble aisle encrusted with turquoise stones and solid garnet pillars with a base and a top of solid gold surrounding her. She sprinted down the rarest marble, immense staircase with marquetry on a bannister ending with a dragon made of gold leaf with an open mouth.
Hi Anahi 🙂 thank you for posting your first couple of sentences. You have thought carefully about your choice of adjectives and created beautiful imagery!
To improve it further, I would edit your first sentence as I think it is too long. Could you rephrase the section ‘…with a base and a top of solid gold surrounding her…’?
Cant wait to read next part.