Hello Class 4!
You have all been working so well on The Tempest so far and I hope you are still enjoying the story!
Today we will begin our writing task and I will give you some feedback so that you can edit and improve your work, before continuing and publishing your final piece tomorrow!
Message in a bottle…
Our characters in The Tempest have found themselves stranded on a deserted island. No one else knows they are there and they have no way of getting home. We know this because Prospero and Miranda have been stranded there for many years!
An empty bottle washes up on shore and they have an idea… their only hope is to send a message in a bottle!
Your task is to imagine that you are either Caliban, Prospero or Miranda. You are going to write a message in a bottle in the hope that when you send it out to sea, someone receives it and comes to help! Perhaps you are Caliban and you want your island back to yourself? Or maybe you are Prospero wishing to return to Milan? You could even write as Miranda, describing everything that has happened so far!
Here is an example of a letter written by Caliban:
Remember, you only have one chance so your letter needs to be interesting enough to ensure whoever finds it wants to read the whole thing… not just read the first paragraph and throw it away! You might want to do this by using dramatic language and also by giving lots of detail about everything that has happened so far.
You need to persuade the reader that they must come and help! Use superlatives such as the ‘most awful time’ or ‘you must help me’.
Be clear, explain how you got there and what sort of help you want. Can you describe where the island is? Describe what is looks like so that they know they have arrived at the right island when they come to your rescue?
Don’t forget punctuation!
Write your first paragraph on this blog and await feedback before continuing to write the rest. Be ready to proof-read and edit your letter tomorrow before writing up a final neat version!
I look forward to reading your work!
Please ask if you have any questions or need any help!
From Miss Lee 🙂Â
FOR A PRINTABLE VERSION OF THIS BLOG, PLEASE CLICK HERE: English
My first paragraph
Dear fellow people of Milan please o please could you find me.I have been stranded on this island for years and I think I am somewhere in the Pacific Ocean the island isn’t very big I can walk around the island in about an hour it has lovely colourful singing birds on the island so look out for them , the sea is warm and crystal clear and the sand is white almost like snow you may see my ship nearby as I hit a large rock and it’s stuck to it it’s starting to rot now though , all I want is to get home and for my daughter to be happy and safe , I want my throne back, and also to be duke of Milan I really hope that Milan hasn’t turned into into a bad place while I have been gone , the best way to save us is by boat please hurry .
Great work Albert, I like your opening sentence, I can imagine Prospero saying that! You have written some really descriptive phrases well done Albert! I enjoyed reading this. Next you could go on to describe what has been happening on the island, for example some sort of monster lives there, so you could explain why you may be in trouble and need to be rescued quickly!
T – make sure your sentences are not too long as this can sometimes confuse the reader. Check where you may need a full stop followed by a capital letter.
Dear unknown person,
My name is Miranda and I have been stranded on a desert is land for many years now. My dad is the former duke of Milan and his brother shipped us of in a boat with holes inside and hoped that we would drown. But my dad had learnt a special magic spell and brought us here. You must help us! Tell anyone you know, but don’t spread the word too wide so the duke of my dad’s brother won’t hear. Please help us!!!
Miranda
A good start to your letter Holly. You have explained clearly how you got there and given some clear instructions to whoever finds your letter! Next you could go on to describe the island so that they know they are at the right place when they come to rescue you!
T – In your next paragraph, challenge yourself by using varied and exciting sentence openers!
hello miss : )
here is my diary entry….
dear diary,
my foolish brother, Antonio(and Sebastian) (he wasn’t my brother, only Antonio was), planned to kill king Alonso,AND got thrown onto a boat and get washed up on a island with those lads…I haven’t showered in days, and I never got my yummy fruit I got, back from beautiful Milan…but then the strangest thing happened.when I was just gazing upon the clear waters of the island, something caught my eye.it was tiny, yellow, and shaped like a circular rectangle.when I scrambled closer to it(or like it seemed to be it),you’ll never guess what it was.*hears whisper*oh,WAIT WHY WOULD IT BE A GAME CONSOLE!?!? IT WOULD NEVER FIT INTO IT!!*calms down*I’m trying to bring the suspense here, people!as I was saying, you’ll never guess what it was…A MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE!I thought,”hey let’s see what wrote in thereof it’s something to do with me or those other sacks of lumpy potatoes, l’ll be happy to help.if note just use the back of the piece of paper, and try tours the ink off on the other side of the paper, and ask caliban to make a wooden pencil! easy peasy!but no.not easy peasy.only one thing was bothering me.my daughter.she kept on asking,”when will we be off the island?when will we be off the island?”everywhere we went, she found me.maybe things got just a bit TOO serious between us.the second day, she kept on doing its I said,”no, not yet.”next,”nope”next,”nuh uh “the final day,”PLEASE,IF YOU STOP THAT,MAYBE WE WILL GET OFF THE DARN ISLAND!”then she ran away, showered with tears.but it payed off,though.the message said’please if you are reading this,prospero,this is Ariel,i have ran away to Milan to talk to your people, and tell them”not to worry, people of Milan!I have located where your king and princess is.now if there is any trouble with anything, please,go to the nearest viking horn in your land, and blow it, three times.””thank you.”soothe people of Milan are counting on you,prospero, tell your daughter about this, and apologise to her.P.S,i can see how you are reacting to this message,
hope you come to Milan soon,
Ariel
I was just stunned to see this.
find out in the next entry.the next diary entry awaits.
prospero
Hi Amarissa!
I am so impressed with how much you have written, well done. Today’s task is to write a letter (a message in a bottle) but I think your ideas could still be used in your letter.
I love your idea that Ariel managed to get to Milan to tell the people of Milan that Prospero and Miranda are alive!
Perhaps for your letter you could write a reply to Ariel, pretending you are Prospero?
T – Remember we don’t usually include speech in a diary or letter.
Miss I forgot,? I will try next time to put less speech into the rest of my diaries!????????????????????
Don’t worry! I enjoyed reading it! ?
Dear whoever gets this message,
I am stranded on a desert island. Please help me!
I used to be the duke of Milan. My evil brother Antonio tried to trick me into going into a boat with holes in it, but one of my best guards found out and hid my spell book in the ship.
When I went into the ship and rowed out of the harbour I realised- that we were sinking very fast! Water was gushing in. Luckily, I found my spell book and quickly sealed up the holes in the ship’s deck.
I grabbed a bucket and frantically scooped the water out. And then I conjured up a tempest, and it brought me here. On this immense, creepy, dangerous island. Please help me!
From Prospero
A brilliant start William! Your letter clearly explains what has happened and you have used some good vocabulary!
T – for your next paragraph, you could describe the island using descriptive language so that your rescuers know where to find you!
Help me! I am on this mean island. The people here treat me bad. Now I am a slave on this island. I am always in pain. And this beautiful island has become a cage for people. Now my heart is heavy as a rock. Call the police to help me please, please!
A good start Karter! Starting with a short exclamation would definitely grab the attention of whoever finds your letter!
T – Next, describe what life was like on the island before the other humans arrived! Use lots of descriptive language!
Dear reader,
My name is Prospero, former duke of Milan and I was shipwrecked here on this island many years ago. I am writing ✍️ to get help so that I can get off this island. Halfway between Italy ?? and Africa, surrounded by the Middeteranian, my island is very, very hidden. It is covered by the gigantic jungle. In a well hidden Cave in the centre of the island , I have made my home ? go there and drop a stone on the floor. Then I will come. Then bring me to the ship and sail me to Milan.
Many thanks, Prospero?‍♂️
Great work Vincent! You have included clear details so that your rescuers can find you! It sound very mysterious… I like the secret instructions to find Prospero in his cave!
T – Can you challenge yourself to add some superlatives in your next paragraph and a rhetorical question?
First paragraph…..
Dear people of Milan,
I’m stranded on an island in the middle of no where. I think I am in the Pacific Ocean between Italy and Africa all I can see is light blue water with beautiful coral. The island has dark green palm leaves with brown tasty coconuts.The sand is bright yellow and has colossal rocky hills with a nice waterfall. I need help, I have been on this island for so many years, I don’t know what to do and I feel helpless. I got here because my evil brother made me go on a boat and it had lots of holes. Please help I need a boat to get home.
If anyone finds this letter can you please recuse me.
By Prospero
Hello Ajay,
A fantastic start, well done! You have used very descriptive language so that your rescuers can find you!
In your next paragraph maybe you could explain in more detail about how you got there and why it id dangerous there now because your evil brother is there too!
T – challenge yourself by adding some superlatives (such as ‘most dangerous’ or ‘hungriest’).
They call me wood cerver forces aches and pains upon me. I suffered and l worked till I dropped it wasn’t always this way..Befor they took me was free I was with my family my brother promised me this island he said that I would be king I tried to take the girl as my queen but that’s when thing’s changed.. That’s when this beautiful island was termed into a cage. I used to love the sound of the island, the humming voives and tangling instruments. The cliffs ringed with yellow sand and sparkling sea.
I am not asking to be saved I want to save myself ?
Well done for using some ideas from the example Ciana, can you add another paragraph with more of your own ideas? Perhaps you could describe what the island was like before these people arrived?
Dear reader
my name is Prospero. I was the king of Milan but my evil brother sent me away on a boat. And now I am stranded on a deserted island between Africa and Italy. There was another shipreck on the island. And now there are lots of people on the island. Most of them are trying to kill me so PLEASE help me get back to Milan. I don’t want to die. And my people back in Milan probably think I’m dead and some of them may think I’m alive but they will be worried.
A great start Pablo! You have explained why you are in danger and hopefully your rescuers will come quickly!
T – in your next paragraph, describe the island in detail so that your rescuers will find you!
To whoever finds this bottle…
My message is HELP!!
I need to return to Milan, to my people and be Duke once again.
I will give you half of my wealth if you save me from this island ?.
I am between Italy ?? and Africa: the island ? is big and has lots of trees ?, actually it is like a big forest surrounded by a beach ?.
If you will ever arrive, can you bring an extra large ship ? for me and my daughter to go back to Milan?
? Prospero ?
A great opening sentence! Whoever finds your message in a bottle will definitely read on! A good idea using your wealth to persuade them to come to your rescue!
T – in your next paragraph, describe how you got there and even explain why you are in danger now because your brother has arrived on the island!
Dear Reader,
I need help desperately!
I am Miranda the daughter of Prospero how was the duke of Milan.
I need help because I am stranded on an island for years half way between Italy and Africa. All I can see in the calm beautiful sea. My father’s brother Antoni is a mean person who is the one who drifted us out to sea on a smal boat filled with tiny holes. But we still survived can you help us please!
Miranda
Great work Tijne! You have added some detail about how you got to the island and explained that your need help!
In your next paragraph include even more detail about why you may be in danger and about what the island looks like so that your rescuers can find you!
T – Re-proof your work to check for any grammar errors such as in line 3 ‘how’ should be ‘who’ and on line 5 ‘I am stranded’ should be ‘I have been stranded’
Dear Miss Lee,?
This is part of my letter:?
HELP ME!
At the dead? of the night, some soldiers? snatched us away and pushed us on a boat with holes for us to drown. Then I used magic to fix the boat and we arrived at an almost deserted island.?
The island is on the Mediterranean Sea where the sun reflects off the sea like a shimmering diamond?. We sailed for 2 days from southeast of Milan.
Hello Mayowa!
Very descriptive writing Mayowa, well done! I love your sentence about the sun reflecting off the shimmering sea!
T – In your next paragraph, maybe explain why you are now in danger because the soldiers who sent you away in a broken boat have now arrived on the island!
Miss Lee, I have completed this task in my yellow home learning book. I will send a photo of my letter to you. I hope that you like it!
Sophie
Great work Sophie! Neat presentation and you have clearly explained why you want to be rescued! Well done!
T – Add even more description about the island and what it looks like to help your rescuers find you.
Challenge yourself to include some superlatives, for example ‘if you come to my rescue I will be the happiest girl in the world’ or ‘I am the hungriest I have ever been’
Hi Miss Lee,
I have written 2 letters (1 from Miranda, and 1 response to her).
Have a lovely day ?
From, Lucy
Letter 1:
Dear reader,
I would like to inform you that my dear friend Ferdinand is lost from his father and I have heard him calling out for him. I am wondering if I should tell him or not. The only reason I have not told him is because if he went home to his father I am afraid he will never see me again. I do not know what is best for me or what is best for him. I do not know you but I am certain you can help. Please respond as soon as you can.
From,
Miranda.
P.S. please note your response TOP SECRET and I would Love to Know your name.
My address is $%*#*&@ ^&#(^%#@.
I know this address may not make sense to you but when I tell you what it means you will not believe me.
?________________________________________________________?
Letter 2:
Dear Miranda,
I do not quite know the answer to your question, nor to your address, I am sorry if I got it wrong, but please do tell me if I didn’t. I think you should ask him a few questions first like, “do you wish you could see your father” and “would you rather stay with us or not”? It is up to you. The one thing I want to know is why exactly you need this and why he is lost?
From,
Bella.
My address is 42 London Street.
Great work Lucy! Well done for linking more of the story so far into your first letter! I love the idea of sending a reply!
T – Perhaps in your reply from Miranda to Bella, you could describe the island to her in detail?
Hi Lucy!
I thought that sending a reply is wonderful!
Can I use this in my work too?
Well done Martin, you have made a good start, explaining how you got to the island and how long you have been there for! In your next paragraph, describe the island in even more detail to help your rescuers find you!
T – Re-proof your work checking for punctuation and grammar errors, for example a capital letter for Milan and where you have written ‘my selfish brother through us into sea’ it should say ‘my selfish brother threw us into the sea’
Hi Miss Lee!
Here is my first paragraph of my letter ??
Dear Reader,
It is the Duke of Milan speaking, the Rightful One. You see, I am stranded on an island. I think by my ways, I am currently between Italy and Africa. Why I sent you this letter? Well, I was just asking if you can help me (please). I need to go back to my city/home. I can’t live here for eternity. Here’s what I see in the island so far: the island is covered with golden sand and a green flood that covered half of the island.
Hi Clare!
A great opening paragraph, well done! You have included a rhetorical question and some detailed descriptions!
T – in your next paragraphs you could explain how you got to the island and why you need to be rescued right away!
Hi Miss Lee!
I’ve done this task in my yellow book! 🙂
Great! If you would like some feedback, send in a photo of it!
HELP!
We are stuck and shipwrecked on a deserted, stranded Island. Please, please, please help us and come to our rescue as we’ve been here for ages and it really is horrible. Anything, anyone but you MUST help us! Let me explain… Prospero (my father) Caliban and I got stuck on a ship in a gigantic, booming storm. I nearly drowned in one of those towering, tall waves I had never seen before. Luckily, my father saved me with his magic, he’s magically the best! Since then, …well… we haven’t been that lucky and we basically live here! I’ve been sleeping on the rough sand under a sheltering palm tree and it isn’t very comfortable. I’ve also been working so hard just trying to find wood amongst the trees and trying to make this more like home. Oh, I wish I could return to Milan as we’ve stayed here long enough to be able to get out after many years of this. I guess I’ll just have to get used to this. Milan is were I live by the way.
Lots of hope lost this way,
Miranda
P.S. Would do me the favour? Peaaasse!
A great opening paragraph Elisa, well done! You have used the power of 3 (when you said please, please, please) to try and persuade your reader to help you! You have also written lots of detail about what you have been doing on the island and what the island looks like.
T – when you write your final version, try to divide your writing into paragraphs which are organised around a theme. Your introduction should explain why you are writing the letter, then the next paragraphs should include lots more detail.
Dear Stranger,
please help me,
I am the Duke of Milan, though my jealous brother and his friend put me and my daughter, Miranda, on a boat with BIG holes in it and pushed it away from any land that the eye could see,
and now I am stuck on an island which has lots of sand and trees and is in the middle of the ocean.
Prospero
A great start Rafael, well done!
Well done for ensuring your opening paragraph clearly explains who you are and why you are writing this message.
Your next paragraphs could include details about what the island looks like so that your rescuers know where to find you and why you need to me rescued right away.
T – You have used commas in your opening paragraph however it looks like all of your writing is one big sentence. Try to make sure you use a full stop when needed.
Hello miss!
This is my first paragraph……
Dear reader,
I wish,wish,wish your fabulous help, for me to have my freedom. Some people are stuck on the island where I am suppose to reign. But am I reigning on the island this instant, while reading my letter?
Think about it. NO, and that is all because “someone” invaded MY island and “someone” made ME as a slave. Sometimes I don’t know or think if I should be king of such island. Being as happy as a cucubura recruited the real king of this unknown island.(well actually now it’s kind of known.)I decided to keep my place as slave, but no. I am not slave of P-P-P -Prospero! Oh no! Never will I. I am not living this again.
So, it all happened one way…
Hi Stella, thank you for posting your first paragraph today.
Well done for a great first paragraph. You have used groups of 3 and a rhetorical question! Your letter really portrays just how angry Caliban is!
T – In your next paragraphs make it clear what you want the reader of your message to do and how they can help. Then perhaps describe in more detail how the island was before these people arrived and why you want it to go back that way.
Dear people of Milan,
I’m stranded on an island in the middle of no where. I think I am in the Pacific Ocean between Italy and Africa all I can see is light blue water with beautiful coral. The island has dark green palm leaves with brown tasty coconuts.The sand is bright yellow and has colossal rocky hills with a nice waterfall. I need help, I have been on this island for so many years, I don’t know what to do and I feel helpless. I got here because my evil brother made me go on a boat and it had lots of holes. Please help I need a boat to get home.
If anyone finds this letter can you please recuse me.
By Prospero
From Prospero, Letter
Hello,
My name is Prospero. I would like some help. I am on an island and it has been lots of years. I am stuck on the island with my 12 years old daughter. I live in a really dark cave.
I got there on a boat. The waves were massively strong and they broke my boat.
I explored the island during 20 days. I was starving. My daughter was a fragile baby. I gave her coconut milk. The island is the most amazing place: turquoise water, tall herbs, enormous tropical trees, grey stones, blue humming birds. When I found a cave, it was blocked with stones. I took off two of them and put them back to use them as a door so the beasts could not come and my daughter was safe.
Before, the situation was calm. A morning, I saw a boat coming with my brother Antonio and his friend Alonso, and Alonso’s brother Sebastian and his son Ferdinand and Stefano the fat butler. I was furious so I broke the boat. But they came swimming on the island. I want to leave before the enemies find my small cave. I am terrified! So I want to get out of the island.
I miss ruling Milan a lot. My people are waiting for me. It has been lots of years that I didn’t see my city. I used to love the ceremonies. I miss a lot my people. I am happy to be with my daughter but I want to go back to Milan.
To find this island, go to the middle of Italy and Africa. To recognise the island: there is green thick sand.
I am in the most dangerous times. I beg you to come and help me.
Duke of Milan.
From Prospero, Letter
Hello,
My name is Prospero. I would like some help. I am on an island and it has been lots of years. I am stuck on the island with my 12 years old daughter. I live in a really dark cave.
I got there on a boat. The waves were massively strong and they broke my boat.
I explored the island during 20 days. I was starving. My daughter was a fragile baby. I gave her coconut milk. The island is the most amazing place: turquoise water, tall herbs, enormous tropical trees, grey stones, blue humming birds. When I found a cave, it was blocked with stones. I took off two of them and put them back to use them as a door so the beasts could not come and my daughter was safe.
Before, the situation was calm. A morning, I saw a boat coming with my brother Antonio and his friend Alonso, and Alonso’s brother Sebastian and his son Ferdinand and Stefano the fat butler. I was furious so I broke the boat. But they came swimming on the island. I want to leave before the enemies find my small cave. I am terrified! So I want to get out of the island.
I miss ruling Milan a lot. My people are waiting for me. It has been lots of years that I didn’t see my city. I used to love the ceremonies. I miss a lot my people. I am happy to be with my daughter but I want to go back to Milan.
To find this island, go to the middle of Italy and Africa. To recognise the island: there is green thick sand.
I am in the most dangerous times. I beg you to come and help me.
duke of Milan.
Hello,
My name is Prospero. I would like some help. I am on an island and it has been lots of years. I am stuck on the island with my 12 years old daughter. I live in a really dark cave.
I got there on a boat. The waves were massively strong and they broke my boat.
I explored the island during 20 days. I was starving. My daughter was a fragile baby. I gave her coconut milk. The island is the most amazing place: turquoise water, tall herbs, enormous tropical trees, grey stones, blue humming birds. When I found a cave, it was blocked with stones. I took off two of them and put them back to use them as a door so the beasts could not come and my daughter was safe.
Before, the situation was calm. A morning, I saw a boat coming with my brother Antonio and his friend Alonso, and Alonso’s brother Sebastian and his son Ferdinand and Stefano the fat butler. I was furious so I broke the boat. But they came swimming on the island. I want to leave before the enemies find my small cave. I am terrified! So I want to get out of the island.
I miss ruling Milan a lot. My people are waiting for me. It has been lots of years that I didn’t see my city. I used to love the ceremonies. I miss a lot my people. I am happy to be with my daughter but I want to go back to Milan.
To find this island, go to the middle of Italy and Africa. To recognise the island: there is green thick sand.
I am in the most dangerous times. I beg you to come and help me.
From Prospero , duke of Milan.