Hello Class 4!
Whilst it has been wonderful to read your comments on the blogs each day, I am missing reading your fantastic extended writing pieces! You have all made so much progress in your writing in Year 4 already, and I hope you have used everything you have learnt in the writing tasks from your yellow home learning folder.
I would LOVE to read what you have written. So, this blog is for you to type up any of those writing tasks that you have completed from your yellow folder. Do not worry if you have not had a go at one of those tasks yet. When you can, take your time to write carefully, thinking about the purpose of your writing and trying to include everything we have worked on in Year 4 (paragraphs, varied sentences openers, ambitious vocabulary to name a few). When you are happy with your writing type it on the blog! That way, I can read your wonderful work, and the rest of the class can see it too!
Remember, great writing is proof-read and edited before it is published.
Before posting your work on here:
- Check spellings and punctuation.
- Have you included paragraphs?
- Read it through, does it make sense? (reading out loud to someone at home may help with this step)
- Can you improve any of your word choices to use more exciting vocabulary?
- Edit your work, are there any parts that you can make sound even better?
I can’t wait to read your writing!
From Miss Lee đ
ERNEST SHACKLETON.
As a boy, Ernest was one of the many boys who wanted to be an explorer. He enjoyed reading about history, but his heart was set on something way more exciting… ADVENTURE! As a child, his father (Henry Shackleton) was a landowner, but when Ernest turned six, his dad was training to be a doctor. He had a mother and she was called Henrietta.
I love this introduction! It has varied sentence openers and interesting facts to engage the reader! Have you written any more of your biography yet?
An Enchanted Forest
In the middle of Pelton village is a forest. Not just any forest, an enchanted forest! A forest with dark and gloomy tales that have been told many times in history. Scary noises coming from very corner.
No one likes to go there with its frightening whispering from the towering trees. I’ll tell you one thing … I know someone who has been in it. And that person saw the wild mushrooms! He even dared to sleep in a tent close to the most dangerous of places in the forest. The “flower-looking-fly-trap”! Many visitors have been there and have had their legs chomped up by the “FLOWER-LOOKING-FLY-TRAP”!!
Visitors will hear the owls hooting high up in the trees. Their noses will catch the smell of the skunk rushing to and fro, followed by its smelly stink! As they walk through the forest, they can pick and eat the blackberries without fear. Their bare feet will feel a tingle, just like to grass tickling them. And when they see daylight, they will cry with job, thankful they have survived the journey.
A spooky setting description!
I like the use of alliteration to engage the reader! â
The use of personification also made your description even more detailed! â
Try to remember to keep your writing written in the same tense throughout. You have started in the past tense and the changed to future tense.
ERNEST SHACKLETON
Sir Ernest Henry Shackleton was born on the 15th of February 1874 and died on the 5th of January 1922 at nearly 48 years of age. He was considered to be one of the principal figures of the âHeroic Age of Antarctic Explorationâ (1898 â 1922), along with Captain Robert Falcon Scott, Roald Amundsen, and Douglas Mawson.
EARLY LIFE:
Shackletonâs family originated from Yorkshire, but he was born in County Kildare, Ireland. Shackleton and his Anglo-Irish family moved to Sydenham in suburban London when Ernest was 10. Shackletonâs father, Henry Shackleton, wanted him to be a doctor as Henry was himself, but that wasnât what Ernest wanted. When he was 16 he joined the merchant navy, achieving the rank of first mate at the age of 18 and qualified as a master mariner six years later.
EXPEDITIONS TO ANTARCTICA:
Shackleton went on three expeditions to the Antarctic, though not all led to a success. The first time he experienced the polar regions was as third officer* on Captain Falcon Scottâs Discovery Expedition, 1901-1904, but he was sent home early because of ill health. This first experience of a South Pole expedition did trigger Shackletonâs obsession to reach the Antarctic. He returned to Antarctica in 1907 as leader of the Nimrod Expedition (1907 â 1909), a failed attempt to reach the South Pole. In January 1909 he and 3 of his companions made a southern march. They made the record of the furthest South latitude at 88°23âS, 97 geographical miles (112 statute miles / 180km) from the South Pole. This was by far the closest to the pole in exploration history up to that time. For his achievement Shackleton was Knighted by Edward VII on his return home.
Unfortunately in 1911 Shackletonâs hopes of being the first to reach the South Pole were demolished when Roald Amundsen (a Norwegian explorer) was the first to reach the earthâs most southerly point. With Amundsenâs achievement then followed by Scott in 1912, Shackleton made a new goal â crossing Antarctica via the South Pole.
THE VOYAGE OF THE ENDURANCE:
On the 1ST August 1914 Shackleton, his crew and over 50 dogs (for sled teams for the overland crossing) departed London on the ship Endurance, for Shackletonâs 3rd expedition to the South Pole. By late autumn they had reached South Georgia, an island in the southern Atlantic Ocean. On the 5th December 1914 the expedition team departed South Georgia. It would be 497 days before Shackleton and his men would touch land again!
Sadly, on the 20th January 1915, following worsening weather, the Endurance became trapped in the ice. Although the situation looked hopeless, the crew had unwavering faith in Shackleton. After a month waiting for the ice to open, Shakleton tried to shift the ship manually. On the 24th February 1915 Shackleton gave up trying to free the ship, rather the Endurance became a winter station drifting with the ice. The crew accepted it all in good cheer and they kept their spirits up with games of soccer on the tightly frozen pack** waiting for the ice to open.
The ship became their home, they called the hold âThe Ritzâ, and life continued in relative comfort with all sorts of games including chess and âcostumed reviewsâ. Shackleton was qualified as the worst singer. The longer they had been on the ship the more the shipâs dogs became like pets. One evening in early April the ice started to push against the Endurance. This was a significant danger to the Endurance, and Shackleton and the crew worked hard to keep the pressure of the pushing ice off the ship. The continuing pressure of the pushing ice continued for weeks.
On the 18th October 1915 the Endurance had been trapped for 9 months. A wave of pressure caused the ship to suddenly lean over 30° in a matter of seconds. Bent and twisted, she began to leak dangerously. Everyone tried hard to repair the ship, even blankets were used to try to contain the leak. At 5:00pm on the 27th October 1915 Shackleton gave the order to abandon ship. For the next 6 months the crew camped on the unpredictable ice floors. Eventually the Endurance sank and Shackleton began to plan their escape to Pollet Island, 346 miles away, using 3 small boats. The food was pretty much all penguin and seal, as they had to use their hunting skills because no food was left. On the 13th March 1916 Shackleton ordered the men to shoot the remaining dogs for food.
In April 1916 Shackleton and the crew embarked on an escape to Elephant Island, crowded onto 3 small boats. After 7 days on the difficult water, they reached their destination, the uninhabited Elephant Island off the southern tip of Cape Horn. There was little hope of getting rescued from this island due to it being located so far out of the normal shipping paths. Shackleton made the difficult decision to leave his men and attempt to get help. He led a team of 5 others out on to the water again and headed towards South Georgia. Sixteen days later they reached a whaling station in South Georgia, where the whalers were so surprised to see Shackleton alive that it is believed they cried.
On the 25th August 1916 Shackleton returned to Elephant Island to rescue his remaining crew. The entire crew that had been left on Elephant Island were there waiting for him. In the nearly 2 years they were stranded on the ice, no men in Shakletonâs crew died.
Although the expedition was not considered to be successful in terms of what it set out to achieve, it is known to be one of the most amazing survival stories of the 20th century. Shackleton is now recognised as having been a brilliant and charismatic leader due to the experience of the Endurance expedition.
A SAD ENDING:
Shackleton returned to the Antarctic in 1921, intending to carry out some scientific activities. Before the expedition could begin any work, however, on the 5th January 1922 Shackleton died of a heart attack while his ship, Quest, was moored in South Georgia. He was buried there, at the request of his wife.
GLOSSARY:
* Third Officer: also called âThird Mateâ; a licensed member of the deck department of a ship and generally the shipâs safety officer and fourth in command.
** Pack: also called âpack iceâ or âice packâ; a large area of floating ice, usually occurring in polar seas, consisting of separate pieces that have been pushed together.
Lucy, this is a fantastic biography on Ernest Shackleton! Well done! đ
âYou have included a variety of facts which are written in the appropriate paragraphs. The paragraphs you have written are clearly presented with headings.
âThe use of fronted adverbials ensures your writing is in chronological order but also means that your writing has varied sentence openers to engage the reader.
Next time, try to avoid ‘comma splicing’. This is where a comma is used rather than a full stop, and so two independent clauses are joined. This can sometimes confuse the reader. Sometimes shorter sentences can be just as effective. đ
Dear Miss Lee,
I am doing these on the yellow book as a writing practise as well. There are also drawings. Can I send you images?
Hello Paolo!
Super! Well done, everyone should be writing these in their yellow books if they can, but then if they want to share them they can type them on here as a way of proof-reading what they have written.
Wow drawings too? That sounds brilliant! Yes please do send photos of your work and I will upload them onto the appropriate blog.
There are already some photos on the D&T blog!
I look forward to seeing your work!
From Miss Lee
This book review is about a book called the world worst children. It is a great book.
My favourite character was wong he is very clever and sais he can count to infinity but when he was about to die someone interupted him so he had to start all over again.My second favourite character
was Nit Boy because he told his nits to hurt the headteacher and other teachers.He told some people to get out the nits were making him fly the nits thought he was talking to them so he came headfirst on the floor.
This book is about the worst children but the author sais he talked to are children and he forgot us.
There was a surprise a billion nits were holding a boy this means this is larger than life anything is possible next time if I have nits I will ask them to make me fly.
The author uses colokial words wich means how people speak.This makes it clear to know where the character comes from.
Wow this sounds like a great book! I might have to read it too!
Dear Waitrose
I am writing to persuade you to stop selling Easter eggs because you need to know the real story. The things you should be selling are cards which tell you the story of Easter.
Maundy Thursday is the day of the last supper. Jesus gives the bread and says, “This is my body broken for you.” and after he pours the wine and says, “This is my blood poured out for you.” This would be a good image instead of an Easter egg. After the last supper, Jesus gets arrested and is crucified.
Another important day is good Friday. It is the day Jesus died on the cross.
3 days after resurrects. We call that day Easter Sunday. Now this is the real story of Easter.
What great reasons Martin, well done!
Can you add a rhetorical question and superlatives to persuade your reader even more?
SHACKLETON BIOGRAPHY
Early Life:
Shackleton was born in County Kildare, Ireland but he moved to London when he was ten.
Education:
He went to school at Dulwich College. He didn’t like school though because he found it boring.
Expeditions:
He first went to Antarctica in 1901 with Captain Robert Scott but he was sent home in 1904 because he was sick. As he was a tough and determined man he went back in 1907 and went the furthest south that anyone had been.
Endurance:
Something bad happened. Disaster struck on his ship. The ice blocked Endurance and they waited 281 days then something worse happened, the boat slowly crushed to pieces. Shackleton faced lots of problems but his adventure was still successful. He showed anything is possible.
Great work Martin!
â You have included lots of interesting facts to engage your reader.
â You have used conjunctions to add extra information to your sentences. This is great as it informs the reader even more about the wonderful life of Ernest Shackleton.
Next time, try to use fronted adverbials to enhance your writing further such as:
– After leaving school,
– Whilst travelling to Antarctica,
– In Ireland…
My book is called world worst children 2 by David Walliams. This book is about the world worst children. They are very cheeky. It is a great book.
My favourite character is Humbert the Hunger baby. I don’t think you want to know his story. Fine when Humbert was born, he was very fat. The baby was very hungry, he ate 5 pockets of chips 4 roasted fish and 20 of marshmallows. His dad quickly ran downstairs and called the NHS and he said: my baby is very fat, Ahh cried the baby’s mum, and the dad said: and he maybe ate my wife. The NHS said Dead or Alive, the dad said Alive. I think I am going to stop there I am not going to spoil the end.
You need to read this book to know the end!
I chose this book bcause I read the first one and loved it. I like the way the author makes story’s to make us beware of revenge. There is not one single thing I don’t like in this book. This book is easy to read and understand. This family is very weird.