Good morning Year 5 !
Today’s focus: Writing (draft)
Today is for practise. That means that you can write your opening sentence or first few sentences on the blog and then I can give feedback. Then you can finish your writing in your Home Learning Books, making sure you proof read and edit as you go, ready for publishing it on the blog tomorrow!
First, read ‘My Cousin is a Time Traveller’ again (in the gallery squares below).
Then consider the following and answer them in your Home Learning book:
This can be in the form of notes if you wish. Share your argument with someone at home and see what they think! Do they agree or disagree? Here is a checklist to help you:
Don’t forget to share the start of your writing only. Don’t type it all up today – we want to share everyone’s finished pieces tomorrow.
We look forward to reading your writing.
Good luck!
Mrs Avdiu xx
It is not my working day so Miss Carruthers will kindly respond to the blogs today.
Printer-friendly version of this blog: Thursday Draft Writing
Good morning everyone, I hope you are all well. Here is my intro for the task:
We read about superhero’s everyday, in comics, films and books but we all know that superhero’s aren’t really real. If superhero’s were real it would be amazing to be one and to have lots of adventures saving the day, but there would also be some downs to being a superhero. It would be a lot of responsibility and pressure to do the right thing. I am going to explain to you each perspectives of each side.
Well done Elsa!
🙂 An excellent start, introducing your argument and ensuring it is balanced.
T) Check your spelling of superhero’s. Is that how you make it a plural? Do you need the apostrophe?
Here is my first paragraph:
Some people have special powers however is it always great to be a superhero? There are times when it could be adventurous and thrilling but others when it could be dangerous and risky. On the whole, would it be great to be a superhero or not?
Brilliant start Regan!
🙂 I love your use of questions to entice the reader in. you’ve also used exciting vocabulary.
T) When you continue writing, try to make your other paragraphs a bit longer. A paragraph should have 4-6 sentences in it.
Hello everyone. I hope you are you are all well. This is the my introduction in the balanced argument.
People ask this question: is it good to be a superhero? Some people think it is good because some superhero’s powers can stop poverty and make the world a better place. Other people think that it isn’t good to become a superhero because you might have to give up normal daily life things like work.
Well done Ayako!
🙂 This is a good introduction, sharing a bit about both sides of the argument to start us off.
T) In the rest of your argument, try to use more ambitious vocabulary, rather than the same word many times.
Hello Everyone !
I hope you are all safe and well ! ?
I miss you all so much !
This is my first paragraph for my draft piece of writing I hope you enjoy !
Lots of people talk about who cool it would be if you were a superhero! I would love to be a superhero it would be so much fun saving everyone and I would get to have some amazing super powers! On the other hand, I would have to have a lot of spare time and I have lots of homework to do. It would be very shocking if I were a superhero but what do you think?
I hope you enjoyed my first paragraph!
Please let me know if I have spelt something wrong or if I have out something that does not make sense ?
~Elena ??
Thank you Elena!
🙂 You’ve included both sides of the argument.
T) Check your first sentence, ‘who’ isn’t the right word! And would you have lots of spare time as a superhero? It could keep you very busy…!
Some people may think that having superpowers is great, however, is being a superhero that nice after all? You may be able to do good, but it could be dangerous! You might even have to give up your work, or move to a different country.
Brilliant start Gabriella!
🙂 I like how you have tried to show the two different points of view.
T) Try to use more ambitious vocabulary, I’m sure you can think of a better word than ‘nice’!
Good morning Miss Carruthers, were we supposed to write a narrative on the blog or a balanced argument? I’m going to do a balanced argument.
Thank you.
I think a balanced argument is a good idea. I think the narrative was an extra activity if you wanted it.
Hello everyone,
I hope you are having a great day so far!
This is my paragraph:
People think it’s great to be a super hero because you could save people and make the world a better place!! You may also have some super powers.
Other people might think it’s bad because you aren’t with your family the whole day. Moreover, it’s often a hard mission and you can hurt yourself.
Well done Violette!
🙂 You’ve covered both sides of the argument.
T) Try to use some conjunctions to make your sentences longer.
Hi everyone this is my first paragraph. I hope you enjoy reading it.
Lots of people imagine how cool it would be to be a superhero. However some people think that it is very dangerous to be a superhero, because if you are a superhero you fight which may mean that you could die. Others think that it would be really fun to become a superhero because you go on adventurous missions. People also think that it would be really hard to be a superhero as you would be really busy.
Well done Dylan.
🙂 You’ve explained both sides of the argument.
T) Try not to put all your ideas in the first paragraph, as you’ll need them later on!
Hello everyone,
Here is my English for today. I hope you all have a great morning and I hope that you enjoy reading my work.
Would being a Superhero appeal to you? People would look up to you, respect you and you would live an exciting, exhilarating life. However, you would also have to hide your true identity from your family and friends and your life is permanently at stake. Would the pros outweigh the cons?
Wonderful Erin!
🙂 I love your final question, that is so often the question that needs to be asked!
T) I hope that you will give lots of details in the rest of your argument.
Hello everyone! This is my first paragraph:
When ever we hear of superheroes we always imagine how amazing it would be to have special powers but it is not as great and glamorous as you think. It is huge responsibility and it is very dangerous so that is why today I will be discussing with you whether it is good or not to have powers.
I hope you all have a good day!
Well done Tommaso!
🙂 You’ve written a good introduction to introduce your argument.
T) Some of your sentences are quite long. Do you need some commas or conjunctions to break them up a bit?
Hi everyone,
I hope you are having a great day so far and that you are all okay!?
This is my first paragraph of the balanced argument:
Would it be a good idea to turn into a superhero?
A large amount of people think it would be a thrilling experience to be able to turn into a superhero at your own will, with all those magnificent powers you have always dreamed of! But after all, is it such a good idea? Read on to find out more about this balanced argument.
I hope you enjoyed my first paragraph. I will continue writing the rest and tomorrow I will publish it on the blog
Have a great day! ⚡️✨???
Brilliant Sebastiao!
🙂 You’ve thought carefully about having both sides of the argument, and good vocabulary.
T) In the rest of your writing, try to write longer paragraphs. A paragraph should be 4-6 sentences long.
Here is the start to my balanced argument:
Everyone knows about superheroes, whether it’s through comic books, or movies, we all know about them. Many people imagine them as perfect, with everything that they’ve ever wanted. Others, however, think differently focusing on the dangers and losses of these fictional people. Regardless, what would it actually be like to be one of them?
Fantastic start Zavan!
🙂 I love your question at the end, to really get the reader thinking about what it would be like.
T) Check your third sentence (Others…), I think you’re missing a comma in there which would make it easier to read.
Hello everyone! Here is my work for today. ?
Superheroes may look excited and awesome when they save the world, but, is it really that cool for them on the inside? It may be dangerous and a risk of dying when trying to defeat the villains! It puts their families at risk if the bad guys try and take them away.
On the other hand, they get appreciated and famous (if they managed to save the world) and they would be really happy! The superhero might get a lot of money and would be well trusted!
I hope you all have a nice day. Bye! ?
.+*Kayla*+.
A great start Kayla!
🙂 I like your opening sentence – the question really gets the reader thinking.
T) Try to make it one paragraph (not two) and don’t give all your reasons in the introduction.
Hey everyone!
I hope that you are all safe and well!
I did today’s English task on my but I still enjoyed it!
“”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””
We always read about superheroes ??♀️. The people who save everyday life by fighting off bad people. Usually, we all dream of being like superheroes. We want to help the world in any way possible. But did you know that there will be some downs if you want to be a superhero. The responsibilities are even harder than looking after your siblings. It is even harder than helping an old lady cross the street. It is about taking care of serious matters and protecting everyone around the world.
I hope that you liked my first paragraph!
Nika ??
Wonderful Nika!
🙂 A great introduction which shares some ideas with either point of view.
T) Your sentences are quite short. Think about using some conjunctions to make them longer.
Hello everyone I hope you are all ok and are having a good day today this I my introduction for my balanced argument:
So do you like comics and stories about super hero’s? What would you do if they were a daily thing to you would you like everyone supporting you and you saving everyone or would it be to hard under so much pressure? Well in this balanced argumente well see both sides and find out everyone agrees with. To be a hero or to be a normal person some say there is barely any difference but other’s say there is a huge difference lets see.
I hope you liked my introduction ;].
Well done Claudia!
🙂 You’ve included some good reasons.
T) Read it through carefully: I think you’re missing some punctuation that will make it easier to read (especially your second sentence).
Hi Everyone,
This is my first paragraph:
Many people have heard about superheros in comics or films. Using fantasy, some people would love be superheros with really cool powers and go on amazing adventures to do good to the community. Some disadvantages of being a superhero are that you might be so busy fighting crime that you might not be able to hang out with your friends and family. You could also be risking your life. So, do you think that it would be cool to be a superhero or not?
This was my first paragraph, I hope you enjoyed it.
Well done Marco!
🙂 You’ve ensured that you are sharing both points of view.
T) Check your spelling of superheros
Hello everyone
This is my first paragraph
It would be great to be a superhero! You have superpowers and everyone loves you. We have all have heard about superheroes in TV shows and books. But would real superhero act differently? Maybe they might have superpowers that no one has ever thought of !
I hope everyone has a great day ?
Wonderful Mathilde!
🙂 Asking a question to get your reader thinking about it.
T) Try to extend your sentences to develop your ideas further. Use some conjunctions to help you.
Hi everyone.
Many people would love to have superpowers but is it really worth it? It may be thrilling yet it might be very tiresome. No one actually knows what it would be like although we’ve read about them, it may be hard to keep up with stuff and you probably wouldn’t get much spare time.
A great start Sara!
🙂 Good idea to start with a question.
T) Make sure you proof read your work to ensure it is easy to read – I’m not sure ‘yet’ is the right word and your final sentence is very long!
Hi everyone, hope you all had an amazing morning and you are all safe at home?
Although kids enjoy reading and watching about superheros how would i feel like to have super powers? Although people think it’s good to have powers so we can stop and save people from being in danger.
Hope you have enjoyed reading my work and i am sorry i have posted this a little to late stay safe and always wash your hands ??
Thanks Angieli!
? Including a question.
T) Try to think of another word to start your sentence with, rather than using ‘although’ each time.
Hello everyone. Here is my first part of my balanced argument ?.
Some people think being a superhero is a gracious thing, but others think it is a horrible idea. But the question is, is being a superhero a good thing or bad thing? I will make some points on why being a superhero is a good thing and a bad thing.
I think it would be a good thing because you would save people’s lives and you would save the whole world and you would be very famous ?. It would also be because you might inspire people to help others like you!
I hope you enjoyed reading my first paragraph ?. I hope you have a lovely rest of the day ?. (Sorry for the late reply ?)
Well done Renee!
? Including a question.
T) It seems like you might have included the start of your second paragraph as well!
Ok Miss Carruthers, can you add the comma between ‘differently’ and ‘foccusing’.
Thank you
That’s okay – you can do it when you do your published version tomorrow 🙂