Hello Class 4!
It’s Friday! Well done to each and everyone one of you for working so hard this week! You are all super stars and after today’s blogs, you all deserve a restful weekend!
Today in English we will publish our final message in a bottle!
Well done for your fantastic first paragraphs of your letters yesterday… they are almost ready to become a message in a bottle!
If you haven’t already, check the feedback for your first paragraph on yesterday’s blog.
Think carefully about each paragraph in your letter. Explain why you are sending the letter, how you got to the island and why you need help.
You might want to describe the island in detail so that your rescuers can find you easily!
Before sharing your final piece, make sure you check it. It helps to read your work out loud to yourself or to someone at home, as this helps us to hear any grammar mistakes or see and punctuation and spelling mistakes.
To help, here is a checklist for you to look at…
1.) Edit your work, according to the feedback you were given. Try to make your letter the best is can possibly be.
2.) Check your work for spelling and punctuation mistakes and correct these.
3.) Write your letter out again as neat as you can or type it on the blog. If you are handwriting it, you might want to create some ‘old-looking’ paper first to write you message on! You can do this with tea or coffee. Ask and adult to pour boiling water into a mug with either coffee or a tea bag. When it cools, paint it onto your paper. Then let your paper dry before you write onto it (don’t do this after your writing as the wet tea or coffee will smudge all of your hard work).
4.) When you have finished your final version and you are happy that your message in a bottle sounds clear and detailed, send it in so that I can share it on the blog for all of your friends to see!
I can’t wait to see your final pieces!
From Miss Lee 🙂
FOR A PRINTABLE VERSION OF THIS BLOG, PLEASE CLICK HERE: English
Dear fellow people of Milan please o please could you find me.I have been stranded on this island for years. and I think I’m somewhere in the Pacific Ocean the island isn’t very big I can walk around the island in about an hour.It has lovely colourful singing birds on the island so look out for them.The sea is crystal clear and warm and the sand is white almost like snow.You May see my ship near by as I hit a large rock and it’s is stuck to it, we was caught in a terrible storm and caused us to crash into the rock ,it’s starting to rot now, please hurry as the boat might disappear and you might not find us ! All I want is to make my daughter happy and safe,I want my throne back and also to be duke of Milan.I really hope that Milan hasn’t turned into a bad place.The best way is by boat please hurry.
Our days are the same every day , we hardly sleep that much of a night as we’re hear these strange noises we think there is something else living on the island with us but we’re to scared to investigate the noises are very scary and it sounds very big and angry .
We go every morning early to catch fish from the sea to eat and we cook it on a fire we make from rubbing rocks together, as the sun comes up it gets hotter so we find shade ( there are lots of large trees here ) and normally fall asleep as we’re so tired from not sleeping at night .
We’re getting so thin as we’re not eating much and we have no fresh water as the sea is to salty to drink please please hurry and find us our lives are in danger and I fear we’re going to waste away or be killed by something else on the island I am begging you with all my heart if you find this message please please find us.yours sincerely Prospero and Miranda
hello miss lee : )
here is my message in a bottle…hope you like it,
dear unknown reader,
please send help, for I,miranda,have been washed up on a deserted island, stuck with these folks have you heard the names or even better, met the names, caliban, stephano, trinculo,(and my father, king prospero ),they have been one a ship (except for caliban and prospero),and a massive tempest more like,sunk the ship.only me and my father have been here for awfully long time…please, do whatever you can do,
kind regards,
miranda,milans duke is my father.
Hi Albert!
Well done for writing so much! I am very impressed! You have included so much detail about why you may be in danger on the island and I am sure that whoever read your message in a bottle would want to come to your rescue right away!
T – Next time, be careful with spellings of homophones and similar words such as ‘to’ and ‘too’ or ‘we’re’ and ‘we’.
Hello Amarissa, thank you for writing your message in a bottle! It is great, well done!
Your letter clearly explains who you are and why you are writing the letter with some great vocabulary! I enjoyed reading it and I am sure that whoever finds your message in a bottle will come straight to your rescue!
T – make sure next time you use commas and full stops accurately. You have used lots of commas here so it looks like it is one long sentence.
Hello Miss Lee, are you doing well? ?
Here is my final piece of writing, I hope that you like it ??:
Dear reader,
Please come! Come and rescue me and my daughter. I live on Milan, not here. I am Prospero, the Duke of Milan, not a stranger.
Although I like this island, and have been living on it for years, this is not my home. I would be most grateful if you come to my rescue and would be absolutely delighted to see you.
I miss the joy of being Duke. The joy of my people. Without a ruler there will be no good changes in your life and no happiness. If you want good changes in your life and happiness, then come and rescue me!
I am stranded on an island in the Mediterranean sea. Corsica Sardinia and Formentera are close by. The island is shaped like a magician’s hat and is full of wildlife. You will find large colourful birds soaring high in the air, close to the island that I am stranded on.
On your way to the island, you should be able to see a humungous, tall apple tree that touches the sky. If you go to that apple tree, and land on the island that it is on, you will find me and my daughter, Miranda, waiting for you to rescue us.
Prospero,
Duke of Milan.?
Hello Sophie! Yes I am very well thank you, how are you! Thank you for sending your final writing!
This is a fantastic letter! It is very clear and also shows Prospero’s emotion well to make the reader of the message really want to help him! Some great ideas in your paragraphs well done! I like the varied lengths of sentences as this is really effective. Also the variety of sentence starters ensures your letter reads well.
T – Make sure you proof-read your work carefully next time to check punctuation. In your final paragraph it looks like this is one big sentence. There are some places where a full stop is needed instead of a comma.
Hello everyone! Hope you are all doing well! Here is my letter…
Dear unknown person,
My name is Miranda and I have been stranded on a tropical island for many years now. My father is the former Duke of Milan and his brother shipped us of on a holed boat and hoped that we would drown. But my father learnt a special magic spell and brought us here. Please help us! Tell anyone you know. But don’t spread the word too wide or fathers brother will hear. Please help us!!!
The island is in the Mediterranean Sea in-between Italy and Africa. The island also has lots of psalm trees and has sand that is on the outside of the island. It has lots of tropical flowers that you can see from the bank of Milan. We will make a smoke signal so you can see which direction to go. You must help us!!! You are our only hope or else we will probably die. You are our only chance to help us live and get back to Milan. My father needs to claim his place as Duke. Please help us! You are our only hope. Get any thing you need and come to the island where you will see smoke and two people. Those people will be us. We will be very grateful and you will be rewarded ten thousand ducats. Please come quickly!
Miranda.
Hello Holly!
Great work on your letter, well done! You have explained clearly who you are and why you need rescuing. I love your descriptions of the island to help your rescuers find you and the idea of sending a signal! Your varied sentence lengths are very effective, well done. I am sure whoever finds your message in a bottle will come straight to your rescue.
T – Next time, challenge yourself to use exciting sentence openers, such as fronted adverbials or beginning with a subordinating clause. This will help to engage your reader even further.
To whoever finds this bottle…
My message is HELP!!
I need to return to Milan, to my people and be Duke once again.
I will give you half of my wealth if you save me from this island ?.
I am between Italy ?? and Africa: the island ? is big and has lots of trees ?, actually it is like a big forest surrounded by a beach ?.
Years ago, my brother Antonio plotted against me and put me to sea on a tiny, broken boat. I am now in danger because him and his friends have landed on the shore. They have swords and I have nothing…
If you will ever arrive, can you bring an extra large ship ? for me and my daughter to go back to Milan?
? Prospero ?
Great work Paolo! I like the emojis ?
Well done for including a rhetorical question and for clearly explaining who you are and why you are writing the message! A super letter! You have used punctuation accurately!
T – next time, include even more descriptive language to describe!
Hi Miss Lee
Mum has sent in a photo of my letters ?
I love them! They look fantastic! I will read them and write some feedback!
HELP!
I’m writing to whoever is going to be reading this message because I’m stuck on a deserted, stranded Island because of a gigantic storm followed by an enormous earthquake. My boat is completely destroyed by it and I have nowhere to go except an uncomfortable island.
Let me explain… A year ago, Prospero (my father) Caliban and I got stuck on a boat, but just it wasn’t any boat, it was a boat that wicked uncle Antonio had made for us. It apparently had lots of holes inside, that made the boat very leaky. So when the storm came, the boat went upside-down and I nearly fell in one of those tall, towering waves.
Luckily, my father saved me with his magic, he’s magically THE best! Since then…well… we haven’t been that lucky and all my father could do was find us this island. Please, please, please come and save us, you must as it is horrible and even my father thinks so. I know this island is all we’ve got but we need some other sort of help.
From then on, we’ve been trying to make our home more like home and my father always tells me that I’m the one that’s going to go and get the wood amongst the trees to make the fire. This DOES NOT feel like home and I so wish I could go back to Milan. Now I’m sleeping on the bumpy, rough rocks instead of the soft sand under a sheltering palm tree. Pleeaassse!
Lots of hope lost on a small island,
Miranda
P.S. Milan is where I live by the way and I am stuck on an island between two countries, Good Luck!
Well done Elisa! This is a brilliant letter! You have used varied sentence openers and varied the lengths of your sentences which is really effective! You have used punctuation accurately and I really enjoyed reading your letter! I am sure whoever received your message in a bottle will come straight to your rescue!
T – next time, add even more descriptive language!
Hello miss Lee,
Here is my letter…..
Dear people of Milan,
I need help desperately!!!
I am Miranda, daughter of Prospero who was duke of Milan. I don’t know where we are. All I know is that we are stranded on an unknown island for many years now half way between Italy and Africa. My father has a brother called Antonio. He is the one who shipped us on a small boat filled with tiny holes. But luckily my father had learnt how to do magic so he mended the boat and we ended up this island. Please help us!!!
All around the island there is a sea which shines in the sun light. It is a beautiful island. On your way here to find us you need to look for a colossal sunflower ? that goes up to the sky. We will be sitting under the sunflower ? waiting for you to come.
Miranda
Hi Tijne, a wonderful letter well done! You have explained clearly who you are and how you got to the island! You have included some beautiful descriptions of the island well done!
T – next time you write a letter, see if you can include a rhetorical question to engage the reader further and make them really think about your letter.
Dear people of Milan,
I’m stranded on an island in the middle of no where. I think I am in the Pacific Ocean between Italy and Africa. All I can see is light blue water with beautiful coral. The island has dark green palm leaves with brown tasty coconuts.The sand is bright yellow and has colossal rocky hills with a nice waterfall. I need help, I have been on this island for so many years, I don’t know what to do and I feel helpless.
I got here because my evil brother Antonio made me board a boat. I noticed on our journey there were holes and water started to rise as the boat slowly began to sink. I drifted away riding the sea waves on a rainy and windy day. In the distance something magically appeared and I finally saw land. I was so relieved.
Although I am on this island I am hearing weird whispering noises and feel like someone is haunting and watching me. I am too scared to check what it is, please rescue me I don’t feel safe.
I NEED TO GET HOME !!!
By Prospero
Well done Ajay, this is a brilliant letter! I really enjoyed reading it! You have explained the island in detail so that your rescuers will be able to find you! Well done for describing exactly how you got there too! I am sure that whoever finds your message in a bottle would want to rescue you straight away!
T – Next time, try to think of some varied sentence openers to avoid starting with ‘I’ too often.
Dear reader,
S.O.S! I am Prospero, former duke of Milan and I have been shipwrecked here for AAAAAAAAAAAGEEEEEEEES! If you are wondering how I got here, the current duke wanted to kill me so he went to his friend (king Alonso) for help. Meanwhile I had found a magic book ? which taught me how to use spells.
In the night, king Alonso’s soldiers threw me into a boat filled with as many holes ? as possible and sent it out to sea! I quickly sped through my magic book ?,looking for the healing spell. Once I found it, I used it to fix the boat and then I found and used another spell. This took me to this island.?
This island is halfway between Italy and Africa, surrounded by the middeteranian sea, my island is constantly struck by storms.
My home is in the centre of the island in a cave. Go to it and drop a stone on the floor and me and my daughter will come. Next, bring us to your ship and sail us back to Milan.
Great work Vincent! A catchy and effective opening sentence! You have clearly explained how you ended up on the island and why it is important that you are saved! Well done for using varied sentence openers too, this is really effective!
T – Don’t forget to sign off your letter at the end!
I will send photo when finished.
Great I can’t wait!
Probably tomorrow.
Help! Come help me and my daughter! I’m the duke of Milan and I am stranded on an island.!
Just please come and help me! We’ve been stranded for hours, days , weeks , months and years. My people have no ruler. They need me..
Please come!
?????????
Good work Aisha, well done! Your letter sounds urgent and I am sure that whoever finds your message in a bottle will come to your rescue as quickly as they can!
T – Next time, see if you can add more detail about how you got to the island and even describe the island so that your rescuers know where to find you!
Hi Miss Lee!
Here is my letter:
Dear Reader,
It is the Duke of Milan speaking, The rightful one. You see, I am stranded on an island. I think by my ways, I am currently between Italy and Africa. Why I sent you this letter? You need to HELP me please. I need to go back to my city/home. I can’t live here for eternity! Here is my front view of the island that I’m on: The island is covered in a golden blanket and a green flood that’s covering half of the island.
And… how I got here? Well… I formed a Tempest. I was there because my evil brother, Antonio sailed me away in a boat WHICH had holes in it, so that I could drown in the depths of the sea WITH my daughter Miranda. The Tempest then led me to a strange island which I’m on right now. And this island that I’m on belonged to a.. half human? Half… fish? Well, whatever it was, it’s name was Caliban, the owner of the island
It was twelve years since I got washed up on the island WITH my daughter of course. That’s ALLLOOOTT of years. Right? Now, listen carefully….. IF you save me and my daughter, I will grant you a wish. A.S.A.P.
Thank you so much,
Prospero
Hello Clare!
Well done for writing such a detailed letter! You have explained how you got there and included detail about the island itself. Good idea to grant your rescuers with a wish to try and persuade them to come and rescue you! You have also included rhetorical questions! Great work!
T – Next time, challenge yourself to use superlatives in your letter (for example ‘hungriest’ or ‘scariest’).
Dear reader,
I am the former Duke of Milan I’ve written to you because I am
stranded on a small island which is full of trees with a crashed, old, rusty boat on the crunchy sand on the north of the island the island is in the middle of Italy and Africa.
Prospero
Help me!
I am stuck on this island. I need rescue, I am Prospero former duke of Milan, and I was here for AGES please send rescue whoever is reading this. If you’re wondering how I got here, the current duke wanted to kill me, so he got his friend who is named King Alonso to help.
And again, Please Help! This island is between Italy and Africa, surrounded by the middeteranian sea, my island is struck continuously by storms.
My home is in the centre of the island in a cave. When you get there leave 3 medium-size rocks at the front of the cave and when I see them I will come to the ship and you should we waiting for me, the destination will be to Milan.
Dear anyone who get’s this.
This is Prospero speaking.
I have been on this island for months now Every time I take a turn through this dry land, it always leads me back to the same place I started. Every night I hear noises, voices and it get’s closer and closer so, I have to keep moving every nigh, non stop.
The reason I’m on this island, is because my brother Antonio put my daughter Miranda and I on a small boat with which had holes in it, one of my clever soldiers found out and put my spell book in the boat to seal the holes, when I got pushed of shore I took my spell book and looked relentlessly through my pages to find a spell to fix the boat.
When I fixed the boat Antonio turned around and was looking for the holes in the boat, he frowned as we got further into the sea Antonio used his magic to create a storm to eliminate us, and that’s how we got onto this island. If you are looking for us I will explain what the island looks like, the trees are as tall as trump tower, the sand has gem stone rocks, when the sun shines on the gen stone rocks it gloze real bright, the same thing happens at night.
When you arrive we’ll be waiting
Sorry, I had no time to send, though it will be with you today.
(I think…) thanks,Stella