Yesterday you began writing your letters to Miss Coleman about holding a charity event at school.
Lots of you made a great start writing your first paragraph and I was able to give you some feedback to improve.
Today’s English focus is:
Published Writing
Task
Today is an opportunity to finish off your writing from yesterday (if you haven’t already).
Once you have completed your writing, edit your work.
Proofreading and Editing your writing
Read your work and check it makes sense
Correct spelling mistakes
Correct missing punctuation
Once you have edited your work, write your final draft in your best handwriting with all of the corrections.
Then, write your first name on your work and upload a photo of it. I will add it to the gallery, where I can give you feedback.
I look forward to reading your amazing finished pieces!
Challenge
Read your friends letters and write some feedback about it on the blog!
As it is May half term next week, today’s blogs will be our last blogs until 1st June 2020. I hope you have a very well deserved rest with your families. I have been extremely proud of all of your hard work over the last term, well done!
Dear Miss Coleman
It would be great if you would give money to the charity for the homeless so they can have food instead of begging for food on the streets. I am sure it would make them very happy. So could someone give them money or give it
to the food bank?
Maybe we could sell food in the hall, please could we sell stuff in there? All of the money could go to the homeless. Everyone could give one pound and there are 240 children which would make 240 pounds to go to charity.
Well done Patrick for improving your writing from yesterday! You listened well to my feedback. I’m sure Miss Coleman will enjoy reading your letter today.
Dear Miss Coleman ,
It will be good if we gave money to St Mungo because they need support. Please give money to them, we could raise money for St Mungo at school. Thanks Miss Coleman.
Miss Coleman it will be good to help them and we can all take part.
From Graceanne
Thank you Ethan,
It is very kind of you to support cancer charities. I do hope we can out on performances again soon- the St. Vincent’s pupils are so talented!
I am writing to you to tell you my plan. I would like to support the homeless by raising money for the charity shelter.
The shelter will provide a safe place for the homeless people to live. It will also provide food,water,their own bedroom,beds,clothes and everything else.
If we do this it will be very kind and maybe a new world record.
I have posted your finished work Garbriella, well done!
You have included some important points, next time you could add in how you will raise the money.
I am writing to you because I would like to raise money for WWF. WWF helps animals in danger. I would like to help the rhinos , elephants and pandas. Poachers are killing elephants and rhinos for their tusks and horns for souvenirs and decoration.
People are also destroying pandas’ homes by cutting down the bamboo trees and when they do that the pandas die from hunger.
We will raise money for these animals by collecting rubbish near the school and putting them in separate containers recycling, rubbish, cans, paper and plastic. We will give the different containers to the people who collect the rubbish for us. Also by doing this we are learning more about recycling and helping the animals in the sea such as turtles and dolphins.
By doing this we are helping the environment and helping facilities that help these animals in need.
I hope you will consider making a donation to this charity for all their hard work helping the environment. Thank You for reading this letter and I hope you will choose mine.
Great effort at writing your letter Chloe K. I can see you have structured your letter well and included key points. I think this is a very persuasive letter which I am sure Miss Coleman will enjoy reading!
Thank you Celestine, you have thought carefully about your ideas and I like the Friday cake sale suggestion. (Yes, you can all eat any leftovers cakes!)
Great work Ethan, I can see you have thought carefully about your idea to raise money for the cancer charity. I think a Britain’s Got Talent style performance would be brilliant, it would definitely create a buzz and make lots of money! Well done.
Dear Miss Coleman,
It would be great if we could help the plants witch are not growing too well. Some people still cut trees down and they’re still growing well.
Also some people water the plants too much so they drown and we do not want that to happen.
From Angie
Great effort Sebastian! I love your idea to hold a papier mache competition! We would be able to hold an exhibition event too to raise even more money! Well done with your handwriting, it is impressive 🙂
A great effort Chloe H, well done for listening to my feedback yesterday and improving your letter! You have a great idea for Miss Coleman to think about 🙂
Thank you Chloe,
This is a wonderful creative idea and I think everyone would really enjoy taking part. Which charity would benefit from the money that you raise?
It would be fantastic if we could raise money for a foundation that helps and looks after special care children. This foundation is called “Active Love.”
We can hold a book week in which we will collect books and an art week in which we can paint paintings and drawings, and then sell them at a school event organized on the occasion of Children’s Day.
Do you think Miss Coleman it would be a good idea if we could ask the children if they have old books that they no longer read and are no longer needed to bring them to school? Then we can put the tables in the hall and place the books, large books will cost £ 2, and small books – £ 1, we could invite parents and children to the sale. We could also have stickers, coloured paint, a brush and paper for children. If the children would like to do some craft, it would cost £1.
All the money that we would collect would go to needy children.
I hope you like my idea, Miss Coleman.
Thank you,
Karolina class 3 years
Well done Karolina, you have a good idea for a charity event! I can see you have thought through the plan carefully! I think this would raise a lot of money. 🙂
Matthias well done! You have organised your letter clearly and have included important parts. I think your music event sounds brilliant, it would definitely lift peoples spirits and raise money at the same time. 🙂
Thank you Matthias,
You have chosen a great charity to support and I love that you have thought about the practicalities whilst also wanting to make the wider community happy.
Helena, thanks for sending your work again. Your letter is very persuasive and you include some very relevant points, well done! I agree with you, we need to spread the message to look after our oceans 🙂
Good effort Eugenia! I like your idea to make animals and sell them. You have structured your writing well. Next time you might like to include what the charity would do with the money raised 🙂
Thank you Eugenia,
This is a really creative idea (maybe I could try this in Art Club)and I like that you have thought about all the animals-not just the pretty ones!
Thank you Emi,
Our pyjama day was lots of fun and this is a good fund raising idea. I would be interested to see more of your thoughts about fundraising for this charity.
I’m asking you for permission to organise charity event at school.
I would like to help the children with no family or parents or with a poor family. I would like to support those that are hungry or that went missing for days or ones that have been abandoned or
that are seriously very ill or have no home. We will help them by raising money for a charity. We will raise money by selling some muffins, cupcakes and cake slices made by us. We will
do it in the hall. Thank you Miss Coleman ?!!!
Well done Alex! You have thought carefully about important information to include in your letter. I like your idea to sell cakes in the school hall, I think this would raise lots of money 🙂
Hi Miss Jones,
I’m going to edit my work and put it on the blog
Have a good day everyone
Great I look forward to reading it Reuben.
Hi Reuben,
I’m looking forward to seeing your letter so don’t forget to send it in!
Dear Miss Coleman
It would be great if you would give money to the charity for the homeless so they can have food instead of begging for food on the streets. I am sure it would make them very happy. So could someone give them money or give it
to the food bank?
Maybe we could sell food in the hall, please could we sell stuff in there? All of the money could go to the homeless. Everyone could give one pound and there are 240 children which would make 240 pounds to go to charity.
Patrick
Well done Patrick for improving your writing from yesterday! You listened well to my feedback. I’m sure Miss Coleman will enjoy reading your letter today.
Thank you for your letter Patrick, it is very kind of you to think of helping the homeless.
Dear Miss Coleman ,
It will be good if we gave money to St Mungo because they need support. Please give money to them, we could raise money for St Mungo at school. Thanks Miss Coleman.
Miss Coleman it will be good to help them and we can all take part.
From Graceanne
Good effort Graceanne, remember to include how we will raise the money!
Thank you Graceanne,
St. Mungo’s is a great charity to support. I hope we will be able to song for them again this year.
Miss i have already finished it
I have uploaded my English, I hope Miss Coleman likes my letter.
Thank you Ethan,
It is very kind of you to support cancer charities. I do hope we can out on performances again soon- the St. Vincent’s pupils are so talented!
Dear Miss Coleman/Molly the dog,
I am writing to you to tell you my plan. I would like to support the homeless by raising money for the charity shelter.
The shelter will provide a safe place for the homeless people to live. It will also provide food,water,their own bedroom,beds,clothes and everything else.
If we do this it will be very kind and maybe a new world record.
Yours sincerely,
Gabriella
I have posted your finished work Garbriella, well done!
You have included some important points, next time you could add in how you will raise the money.
Thank you Gabriella, this is a really kind idea-Molly is impressed as well!
21 May 2020
Dear Miss Coleman
I am writing to you because I would like to raise money for WWF. WWF helps animals in danger. I would like to help the rhinos , elephants and pandas. Poachers are killing elephants and rhinos for their tusks and horns for souvenirs and decoration.
People are also destroying pandas’ homes by cutting down the bamboo trees and when they do that the pandas die from hunger.
We will raise money for these animals by collecting rubbish near the school and putting them in separate containers recycling, rubbish, cans, paper and plastic. We will give the different containers to the people who collect the rubbish for us. Also by doing this we are learning more about recycling and helping the animals in the sea such as turtles and dolphins.
By doing this we are helping the environment and helping facilities that help these animals in need.
I hope you will consider making a donation to this charity for all their hard work helping the environment. Thank You for reading this letter and I hope you will choose mine.
Yours Sincerely
Chloe K
year 3
Great effort at writing your letter Chloe K. I can see you have structured your letter well and included key points. I think this is a very persuasive letter which I am sure Miss Coleman will enjoy reading!
Thank you Chloe, how wonderful to be able to help animals whilst also looking after our environment by recycling.
Well done Celestine, I like your cake sale idea! I think it would make lots of money. Good girl for using paragraphs to structure your writing.
Thank you Celestine, you have thought carefully about your ideas and I like the Friday cake sale suggestion. (Yes, you can all eat any leftovers cakes!)
Great work Ethan, I can see you have thought carefully about your idea to raise money for the cancer charity. I think a Britain’s Got Talent style performance would be brilliant, it would definitely create a buzz and make lots of money! Well done.
Dear Miss Coleman,
It would be great if we could help the plants witch are not growing too well. Some people still cut trees down and they’re still growing well.
Also some people water the plants too much so they drown and we do not want that to happen.
From Angie
Thank you Angie,
Trees and plants are so important to our world. Maybe you could join Green Team next year and promote your ideas there as well?
Well done Angie, I like your idea to help stop cutting down trees. Remember to include how you will raise money to stop this.
Good effort at writing your letter Louis, I like your idea to help the NHS and I think you would make lots of money by selling cakes after school!
Thank you Louis,
We all appreciate the NHS even more at the moment and I think your idea of cupcakes would be very popular!
Well done Clemence, your work is lovely and neat. You have lots of ideas of things to make to give to others, your letter is very thoughtful.
Thank you Clemence,
What a caring idea and I love reading so I would definitely buy one of the bookmarks.
Great effort Sebastian! I love your idea to hold a papier mache competition! We would be able to hold an exhibition event too to raise even more money! Well done with your handwriting, it is impressive 🙂
Thank you Sebastian,
What a wonderful original idea, an a beautifully written letter. This reminds me of Art Club and I would love to take part.
Hi Miss Jones
I have edited my work.
I have also changed some of the letter
I hope you like the letter Miss Jones and Miss Coleman.?
A great effort Chloe H, well done for listening to my feedback yesterday and improving your letter! You have a great idea for Miss Coleman to think about 🙂
Thank you Chloe,
This is a wonderful creative idea and I think everyone would really enjoy taking part. Which charity would benefit from the money that you raise?
Dear Miss Coleman
It would be fantastic if we could raise money for a foundation that helps and looks after special care children. This foundation is called “Active Love.”
We can hold a book week in which we will collect books and an art week in which we can paint paintings and drawings, and then sell them at a school event organized on the occasion of Children’s Day.
Do you think Miss Coleman it would be a good idea if we could ask the children if they have old books that they no longer read and are no longer needed to bring them to school? Then we can put the tables in the hall and place the books, large books will cost £ 2, and small books – £ 1, we could invite parents and children to the sale. We could also have stickers, coloured paint, a brush and paper for children. If the children would like to do some craft, it would cost £1.
All the money that we would collect would go to needy children.
I hope you like my idea, Miss Coleman.
Thank you,
Karolina class 3 years
Thank you Karolina, I love reading so it’s a wonderful idea to help this charity by also sharing the joy of books.
Well done Karolina, you have a good idea for a charity event! I can see you have thought through the plan carefully! I think this would raise a lot of money. 🙂
Matthias well done! You have organised your letter clearly and have included important parts. I think your music event sounds brilliant, it would definitely lift peoples spirits and raise money at the same time. 🙂
Thank you Matthias,
You have chosen a great charity to support and I love that you have thought about the practicalities whilst also wanting to make the wider community happy.
Helena, thanks for sending your work again. Your letter is very persuasive and you include some very relevant points, well done! I agree with you, we need to spread the message to look after our oceans 🙂
Thank you Helena,
This is a great charity to support. We always have such fun on our dress up days and I think there would be some wonderful costumes.
Good effort Eugenia! I like your idea to make animals and sell them. You have structured your writing well. Next time you might like to include what the charity would do with the money raised 🙂
Thank you Eugenia,
This is a really creative idea (maybe I could try this in Art Club)and I like that you have thought about all the animals-not just the pretty ones!
Hi Miss Jones, I will finish everything on the yellow book and upload soon.
No problem Jiana, I look forward to seeing your work.
Hi Jiana,
I’m looking forward to seeing your letter so don’t forget to send it in!
Good effort Emi. Next time you could add some more detail about your chosen charity. 🙂
Thank you Emi,
Our pyjama day was lots of fun and this is a good fund raising idea. I would be interested to see more of your thoughts about fundraising for this charity.
We should raise money for st mungo because it is to save there lives
Dear Miss Coleman,
I’m asking you for permission to organise charity event at school.
I would like to help the children with no family or parents or with a poor family. I would like to support those that are hungry or that went missing for days or ones that have been abandoned or
that are seriously very ill or have no home. We will help them by raising money for a charity. We will raise money by selling some muffins, cupcakes and cake slices made by us. We will
do it in the hall. Thank you Miss Coleman ?!!!
I look forward to hearing from you.
Best Regards,
Alex Soroczak
P.S.
My handwriting is attached separately.
Well done Alex! You have thought carefully about important information to include in your letter. I like your idea to sell cakes in the school hall, I think this would raise lots of money 🙂
Thank you Alex, this is really kind of you and I would definitely enjoy eating the cakes as well!